mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Someone came in the potted fern
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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