Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
