I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
