But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
