We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i drank out of a bidet.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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