i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
