i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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