Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
