We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
