I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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