I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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