I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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