After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
