I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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