whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
