I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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