That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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