i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I have aggressive nipples.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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