I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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