I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
