He is an equal opportunity slut.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
