when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I deserve this hangover.
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