hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
