This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
