Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Dear god my vagina.
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