Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
