Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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