Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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