i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
