I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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