Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
