I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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