Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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