I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
