I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
