There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
