dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
this boner is exhausting
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
