she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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