Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Green mimosas i think yes
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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