She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
