im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
