I accidentally had phone sex last night
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize