She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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