I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
