I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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