my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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