I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
