you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
