The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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