brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Duck Duck Cougar?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
