Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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