when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
