I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
