I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I can't turn off my feet"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
