there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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