Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Randomize
