I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
