Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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