I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
