Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
