6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
operation harelip BJ is a go
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
