i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
