You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
