it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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