Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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