I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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