There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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