He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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