In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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