You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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