3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
